child

Let's talk about daycare.

I placed my son in the only daycare who had a space available when I moved. They have a rating of one star, out of five available with the state license program. When I came in to visit & apply, I asked about the rating and was told "It's just because the teachers got nervous and didn't make the kids wash their hands during inspection."

RIGHT. Because that's what I want to hear. "Oh, it's just because we don't give a damn about E. coli & your kid's sanitation & health." Why not say, "We're doing this and this and this to improve our score" instead? Right.

My son's teacher told me she does a daily "lesson" for the toddlers, "Because the state requires it, even though it's not like they understand any of it." Activities like coloring, walking on a line, playing with bubbles. Once a week she sends home a copies of the lesson plan, with notes like,

"The children enjoyed this activity! Amber played with the bubbles, but Carlos decided to run around the room, for which he got in trouble. Terry couldn't be bothered to pay attention. Lacy didn't grasp the concept of saying the word "Bubble," but she liked splashing in the water."

Do you see the negativity? I hate reading things like "couldn't be bothered," "didn't grasp the concept," and that a child was punished for running around the room. Keep in mind, we're talking about kids who are between 16 months and 24 months old. Toddlers! Terrible twos! I'd prefer to read about what these kids CAN do, instead of how they "chose to ignore the lesson." I find the negativity creepy. She writes as if the children choose to disobey, like they know she wants their attention but their nefarious little brains WANT to piss her off.

So I'm looking at the local Montessori schools, because I've been aware of it for years, and the basic theory is brilliant: Let's teach kids to do what they can do at each stage of development. Let's teach them how to be people, how to ask questions, how to find answers to their own questions, how to learn and love to learn.

The local Montessori schools are expensive, and my child goes to daycare on a government subsidy for poor folks. I pay 10% of my income or thereabouts - so $60 instead of the usual $400 - $600 I would pay. I don't know if they'll take the subsidy, even though I'm awesome and my kid is awesome and Montessori is awesome.

And from what I can tell from the internets, they only offer half day programs for children under three, and only three days a week. I understand that parental involvement is fundamental to the Montessori philosophy, but hello folks:

I'm in school as a junior in the social work degree, and I'll probably continue as a graduate student either in social work or library science. I am in class 12 hours a week - that's four classes, and the minimum to be a full-time student (which determines my financial aid eligibility and amount). I work twenty hours a week as a reference librarian, and cut my summer job (cleaning, gardening, dogwalking) to five hours a week when I was hired at the library. That's all I can do within the hours my son's daycare is open - 7:30 to 5:30; and after I pay rent, phone and car insurance, I have $40. So groceries, gasoline, diapers, laundry and any "luxuries" like clothes that fit my growing child depend on excess from financial aid or government assistance.

Isn't this what I should be doing? I am young, shouldn't I be in college? I am financially independent, shouldn't I be working?

But I'm a mother, therefore my son should be priority, therefore I should be doing everything possible to ensure that when he's an adult he is intelligent, confident, ethical and successful (success on his own terms, defined by his happiness, because I think people are at their best when they can guide themselves).

But I'm a single mother, so I'm the breadwinner, head of household, sole supporter (don't get me started on why child support enforcement is a crock of shit).

Here's the guilt : I should be home with my son.

Here's the indignation: So how should I support us?

I was reading a microeconomics textbook last night (yes that is my idea of fun), and the introductory paragraph attempted to hook the reader with a personal example. It described a college student and her decision about how to use her spare time. She could study economics, or psychology, or "take a nap, ride her bike, go out to eat, spend time with friends, or work at a part time job for some extra spending money." Her parents could choose to spend their extra money on "retirement, vacation, or a savings account for their children's college expenses."

Who the fuck does this? Who the fuck works a part time job in college for extra spending money? Who the fuck can save for their child's college years? Who the fuck goes to school on daddy's dime? Is this normal? Fuck y'all.